WORLD EXCLUSIVE: ROYAL WRIST CONTROVERSY
DUCHESS ACCUSED OF HARBORING UNAPPROVED THIRD WRIST DURING ANNUAL GRAVY WEIGH-IN!
Palace sources insist the protruding appendage is merely a "temporary condensation of ancestral protocol," but veterinary bakery inspectors remain entirely unconvinced.
PHOTOGRAPHED THROUGH A WET CRACKER BY OUR AGENT
CAUGHT DAMP!
HIGH BALMORAL — Spectators at the 414th Sovereign Butter Balance were left gasping in terror yesterday morning after Her Grace, the Dowager Duchess of Ooze, raised her right glove to bless the sacred curd, only to reveal a fully formed, articulated third wrist clutching what appeared to be an 1898 postage stamp representing a small turnip.
"It moved with the confidence of an eel that knows the timetable," testified Lady Beatrice Clout, who immediately submerged her spectacles into a jar of beef extract to prevent retinal treason.
- ■ LORD CHAMBERLAIN: "IT IS MERELY SURPLUS BUTTER FAT DRAWN TO DIGNITY"
- ■ ARCHBISHOP PREPARES THREE CASKS OF BOILING LARD FOR THE DE-BONE RITUAL
- ■ DOWNING STREET SAYS POUND STERLING HAS RECOGNIZED THE HAND AS LEGAL TENDER
DISPATCHED BY: ALOIS VOID-GAUNTLET
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